Posted by: Paul | November 19, 2010

Conversations with a Two-Year-Old: Little Lion Man

Adam is being a lion. He’s stomping around the living room roaring at me. Every so often he gets down on all fours and growls, before resuming his stomping activities. I didn’t think lions stomped, I thought that was more in the elephant vein. Oh well.

The doorbell rings. It’s mid morning and, what with Christmas on the way, I naturally assume it’s the postman with the first of many parcels we’ll be ordering which won’t fit through the letterbox.

I open the door to two nicely presented, pretty young ladies. They both have prams containing infants. For a moment I think they’re from the local toddler group, doing door to door calls to drum up membership, before realising this idea is ridiculous.

“Hello there, good to find you at home,” the one closest to me starts up. “We’re talking to local people about this campaign…”

Charity muggers, I think. If only Adam hadn’t already given our stash of loose change to his nursery for children in need. She reaches into her bag and pulls out a black leather folio. From inside it she produces a thin pamphlet. It’s light green with a pastoral sunrise on the cover. The text reads simply, “The Bible”.

“…and we were wondering if we could have a few moments of your time…”

Jehovas Witnesses. Of course. Though the babies are a new tactic to appear non-threatening and encourage people to open the door.

“Umm, well, actually I’m completely non-religious…”

“OK, well have you ever considered the idea of The Bible as a book?” the second lady cuts in, obviously used to the quick brush-off.

“Uhhh…I’m not really…”

Adam appears at the stairgate behind me. The first lady clicks her tongue.

“Ahhh, he’s so cute! Hello little man!”

“Grraaaaaarrrrrgh!” says Adam.

“I think that’s our answer,” says the second lady. We say goodbye and I gently close the door, before picking Adam up and giving him a big kiss, and heading into the kitchen to find a chocolate car from the secret stash.


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