Posted by: Paul | October 28, 2010

The Apprentice – Week 4

“The Science Museum? Well this is either going to be about science…or museums.” – Jamie

The boneheaded lines just keep right on coming in Apprentice-land. This week, Jamie finally got his fifteen minutes of MASSIVE STRESS after fighting off yet another challenge from Melissa to lead team Synergy(what, she wasn’t satisfied with dodging a bullet last week?) while dullster Chris took the reins for Apollo.

This week was the ‘selling to trade’ task, whereupon the teams select an ‘innovative’ product (read: rejected by Dragons Den – literally in some cases), and flog it to retailers to gather dust in their warehouses in the name of TV entertainment. The basic idea here is not to go too big or expensive, pick something which you might, as a consumer, not either fall on the floor laughing at or run screaming from. So, from a motely crop of nonsense, Synergy selected a low-flow shower head (I’m sure I’ve seen these already), and a strange fork-spade contraption for those with limited mobility, and Apollo plumped for a Babygro which changed colour when hot, and a fifty quid T-shirt. Fifty quid! I don’t care what it does for my gut, for that price if it’s not made of gold then you can piss right off.

Anyway, as usual it was a combination of pre-arranged appointments with large retailers and whatever they could muster up under their own steam. Selling forks and shower heads to Debenhams proved a bridge too far, even for uber-pitcher Melissa, but Synergy appeared to be on a roll with a massive score for Jamie, selling 1000 units of the shower head to a small chain of plumbing stores – not bad at all, £10K right off the bat, surely they had it in the bag? As usual there was a twist in the tale, with Liz receiving the biggest ever order in Apprentice history for Apollo, with Kiddicare ordering a massive 10,000 units of the Baby-Glo – a £99,000 haul. Kudos! Do we have a winner?

It was a pretty mixed performance all round this week, and as ever in the all-girl group despatched by Apollo into Soho to flog the FIFTY QUID T SHIRT, there was a great deal of arguing. Paloma, Laura and Sandeesh started out agreeing who was running each pitch and receiving the resulting orders for their own book, and once inside managed to ride roughshod over each other and squabble bitterly over the proceeds.

So with Liz’s massive win bringing home the bacon for Apollo, Jamie was left without much choice but to bring the underperforming Stuart ‘The Brand’ and Melissa back in with him. There was only going to be one loser. Melissa seems to be the sort of person who is totally oblivious to how others see her – in total denial of her errors and flaws, and even described as ‘annoying’ by one of the large retailers, she received the fickle finger of firing and was escorted to the infamous black cab, but not before her parting shots of ‘horrible people’ and ‘I’ve got nothing to say to both of you, come out of my face’ (sic) made her the worst-ever loser on The Apprentice. We’re breaking records all over the shop this week!

In her defence, I will miss Melissa a bit. She added some colour to the show when much of what’s left behind is blandness, and I did love her inventive use of language, as also highlighted by Dara O’Briain on ‘You’re Fired’ afterwards. She had the tendency to add one syllable too many to words when she was trying to prove a point – her enemies will be ‘retributed’, but not before she’s ‘conversated’ with them 😉



  1. If nothing else, Melissa will be remembered for the least decorous exit ever seen on the show!

    I’m not sorry to see the back of her, but I think Sugar could easily have fired Stuart – if he hadn’t alienated the Baby Glow woman, Synergy might have bagged what was clearly the best product on offer – and it was a product that effectively sold itself (although Liz’s pitches were excellent).

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