Posted by: Paul | October 7, 2010

The Apprentice – Week 1

In previous years I’ve really enjoyed following Andrew Collins’ blog on The Apprentice, but since he’s not writing about it anymore, I thought I’d join the dozens of others and put my own take on it out there each week.

Of course, watching The Apprentice in the early weeks is a bit of a chore. It takes time for people to bed in, and with 16 MASSIVE EGOS to fit onto screen all at once, inevitably some come to the fore (those who are giant fools / dead certain to be fired this week) and others fade into the background.

They do their best with the editing, but there are usually big clues as to who the unlucky duck is going to be in the first few shows. After all, they can’t have someone turfed out when they haven’t spent any time on them – if someone makes a big mistake which will lead to their downfall, of course they’re going to focus on it. Hence, project manager Dan for boys team ‘Synergy’ (excuse me while I put my boot through the cliche-filled screen) is the first to be shown the door, and with good reason – he was loud, annoying, and rubbish almost beyond measure. Substituting leadership skills for simply shouting at people, his team made a terrible fist of making poor-quality sausages to flog to people in Portobello Road who have a camera stuck in their faces.

At this stage I’m not even going to bother remembering the names of any of the others, all interchangeable, conceited, jargon-spouting no-marks until they prove otherwise. I’m certain we haven’t seen anything of the eventual winner yet, and most of the candidates are still so anonymous as to hardly register until we see them whittled down a bit further. The only people who stood out – for the wrong reasons, naturally – were the two dragged kicking and screaming into the boardroom, where the proceeded to behave like overgrown children. One even referred to himself as ‘The Brand’.

I ask you. Would you employ any of these people? If SirAlan watched the show as a punter rather than being involved, he might decide to fire the lot of them.



  1. I certainly wouldn’t employ any of the muppets who dominated the air-time yesterday. Dan the Bully, Stuart The Brand (puh-lease), Alex the Wet Blanket, Melissa the Back-Stabber – I don’t think so.

    As you say, the ones who get the most air-time in the early shows tend to be the ones who either get fired first (Dan) or do/say the stupidest things (Stuart). I suspect the winner will be someone we barely see in the first 2-3 weeks, who quietly does a good job without attracting much attention from the editors – most of the previous winners have been like that, certainly.

    If you’re interested, here is my review of last night’s episode – I’d welcome your comments.

    Absolutely. The genius of The Apprentice is that the programme plays it straight down the middle, and then takes great delight in highlighting the contestants’ various idiotic decisions and prat-falls – of which there are many.

    And there is always one contestant who is utterly useless, utterly self-deluded and utterly (and inadvertently) comic genius. Step forward Stuart Baggs – “everything I touch turns to gold”. Or should that have been “mould”?

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